Impact
by Melpomene of Tragic Olympus
Summary: Just another day in Hellsing manor as a bit of comic hilarity ensues. My first Hellsing one-shot so be gentle xDD


Integra had been sitting inside her office for some time.  
The smell of cigar smoke had wafted around the room as both Seras Victoria and her traitor-returned butler, Walter stood behind her desk at attention, wondering just what the hell she was looking at for so long. Neither dared to speak, though, out of fear of Integra raging at them, or worse, throwing a dart at their heads, which the head of the Hellsing Organization seemed to have been mastering with deadly precision lately.

"Millenium is starting to get on my last good nerve,"  
Integra finally said, gaining raised eyebrows from both people standing behind her.  
Slowly, the woman rose from her chair, her long blonde hair blowing in the gentle wintry breeze that emerged from the open window as she took another long drag from her cigar and exhaled.  
"I can't seem to take a shit anywhere without them trying to make a toilet explode next to mine."

"Sir Integra?"  
Asked Seras in a puzzled manor, her head tilted.

"Don't worry about the metaphor,"  
Whispered Walter as he leaned in close to the Police Girl's ear.  
"Sir Integra is in thinking mode and sometimes her mouth thinks ahead of her brain."

"And sometimes you forget who you're dealing with,"  
Said Integra as both Seras and Walter looked to her, only to find Integra's favorite gun, the Colt .45, pushed against Walter's nose.  
"I should pull this trigger and scatter your bloody brains everywhere for betraying me, you sorry son of a bitch."

A deep chuckle echoed around the room as Alucard walked in.  
"Master, put the gun away. It won't hurt him, remember?"  
Alucard sneered, flopping rather lazily onto the couch in the office as Seras cocked a brow at the man who sired her and Integra sighed, putting the gun away.

"The fuck have you been, Alucard?"

"I heard the blood bank was sponsoring a drive. Figured I'd go an sample some of the cultures,"  
Alucard laughed, that maniacal laugh making everyone excpet for Integra cringe as Integra aimed her colt at Alucard's head and fired, the bullet making his head burst like a balloon.

"Fucking piece of shit,"  
Integra mumbled as Alucard's head reformed, picking up the hat that had fallen off his head during the blast and dusted it off, giving Integra a rather sad puppy dog look.  
"Do you know how much you paid to have that hat re-felted?"  
Alucard chuckled as he noticed the twitch falling over Integra's left eye.  
"Tsk, calm down, Master. You can always pay for it's re-felting again."

Integra was about to aim and fire again when she noticed the Police Girl walking over to Alucard, her hands behind her back and a small smile on her face. Seras was always hopelessly devoted to Alucard, but even lately, Alucard's antics were wearing thin on the fledgling Draculina. Alucard sat up as Seras approached, slinging his arms over the back of the couch and crossing one leg over the other nonchalantly as she bent at the waist and lowered herself so they were staring eye to eye.

"Master."

"Seras."

"Master?"

"Yes, Seras?"

"Lean in a bit closer..."

"Why?"

"Please?"

Alucard had the funny feeling that Seras was ticked and that leaning in was a bad idea, but the young Draculina rarely asked anything from him and she'd done pretty good about not beng a burden to anyone since her siring at his hands...or rather fangs, so he figured humoring her once in a while would make everyone happy, so he leaned in. Doing that very thing would be something he'd regret for the rest of his unlife.

No sooner had he started to lean in did he come into contact with Seras's giant gun, his head and shoulders fitting neatly within the barrel as she aimed for the open window, causing Integra and Walter to split different directions to avoid the oncoming firing of the vampire. Seras aimed directly for a clearing just beyond the manner and fired, the blast sending her skidding back a few inches and launching the red cloaked vampire out the window and into the sunset.

"Damn..."  
Murmured Walter.

"...Seras..."

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"That area you shot Alucard into... are you aware of what that is?"

"No, Sir Integra.."

"That's Hellsing's testing site for landmines."

"L-Landmines, Sir?"

"Oh dear..."  
Murmured Walter.

Integra simply nodded as they heard the thud of Alucard's body in the minefield and the series of explosions from the mines that followed. Integra and Walter chuckled as Integra leaned against the window pane and Walter against the pane across from her, and Seras stood between them, watching the chain reaction of explosions and the yelps and yells from a continually regenerating Alucard.

"It's fitting,"  
Chuckled Walter.

"How so?"  
Said Integra.

"Alucard always wanted to go out with a bang."

All three laughed as the explosions and yelling continued, Integra resting her hand on Seras's head, patting the Draculina gently.

"Well...now Alucard can say he's truly made an impact."


End file.
